When
I took my first steps in the creative world, insecurity overwhelmed
me. I had
the feeling that I was doing everything wrong. I felt completely
lost, and
the fact of not having big ideas made me feel terribly small,
like I was failing. Basically, I put myself under tremendous
pressure. Negativity fed me and let my insecurities make decisions
for me.
Thinking
about it now, I see more and more clearly
that what made me feel like this was a negative approach to the
situation I
was in.
Many
people have a romantic idea about the work of an artist, for whom
"inspiration" is everything. But that’s
an idealization, and the reality is very different, because
then you learn that words like "organization", "work"
and "discipline" are much more useful if you want to get
somewhere.
Eventually
I became more organized and serious, but a key moment for me was when
one day, out of the blue, I decided never to hide behind excuses of
any kind, such as "I don't have a good camera", "I
don't know anyone", "I can't find a stylist or a model"
and the most typical: "I'm not inspired”. From the moment I
decided to get rid of all these excuses, everything started to work a
little better. In about a couple of months I noticed a very positive
change in my work, and I saw very clearly that everything is a matter
of energy, how to approach things. No matter which direction, you
gotta move forward, walking the path.
With
that idea in mind, I've been forcing myself to face situations that
used to scare me and intimidate me. And the funny thing is that when
I look back, I can't believe those things could scare me or
intimidate me at that time, because
now I find them totally normal and when I have to face those
situations now, I'm completely carefree.
With
this I’ve
learned that, in order to progress, you
have to try something new.
The fear of
trying something and failing can paralyse
anyone. I used to obsess
about it. Back then I had decided that I was talentless and I could
not stop comparing myself to photographers and artists far better
than me. I didn't realize
that those people that I admired had also begun their careers
somehow. At
the outset, they had also done things that were very different from
what they’re doing now. And most
certainly their first works had nothing to do with what they would
achieve
in the future. I’m
sure there are old works that would embarrass them now.
Beginnings
may be tough, but I firmly believe in them. Once you've started, the
hard part is over, and you just have to keep walking.
Beginnings are difficult because they are loaded with self-distrust
and there is no certainty about anything. Usually no one really
believes in you when you start an artistic career, they do not take
it seriously. Others will think it's just a phase and will recommend
that you treat it as a hobby. How many of us have to put up with
those incredulous faces when telling people "I'm a
photographer"? But worst of all is that, without realizing it,
we torture ourselves the most. In my case, my negativity used to be
like gum that was stuck to me and really made me believe that I could
never ever achieve anything. And the worst is that it led me to
believe another negative idea: I was wasting my time.
It's not that now I'm absolutely 100% confident all the
time. And things are not perfect at all. Now I simply have a much
more positive attitude that makes things easier, and it's based in
thinking that I'm not just wasting my time, I'm investing it in
learning, doing something that I love and enjoying it. Everything I
do takes me somewhere, sometimes I just don't know where. And that’s
perfectly fine. It's part of the plan. And I truly think it is worth
it.
Of course there are still bad days when I'm filled with
doubts, and that's why I'm so happy about writing this now, so I can
reread it as much as I need in the future and have some perspective.
I also have some tricks for when I feel down. One of
them is looking back to old works to see that, indeed, I've come a
long way.
My conclusion is, no matter if you're a photographer,
director, musician or writer, the key to progress is self-confidence.
I’m not talking about absolute certainty but about having enough
faith in yourself to put real effort into anything you do, and above
all, to put hope in all of your projects and dreams.
(Here is the article published by kwerfeldein last month)
1 comment:
I love this. So true.
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