I left Berlin a month ago. I made the decision in January. To step out of the total comfort that was stoping me from doing all the things I always wanted to do. It may sound a little dramatic. It is just how I felt. Berlin was supposed to be just one of the many stops. But the comfort was really making it difficult to leave. I was not feeling unhappy there, but I basically didn't feel much of anything. Life was ok.
Three days before leaving Berlin to go to Barcelona, when I was packing my things, I felt sad for the first time. Until that moment I hadn't really thought about what I was going to miss, like having coffee with friends and talking about stupid things..
But the reality is that the last months in Berlin were the ones I enjoyed more time with my friends. Before I had an "expiring date" all I was focused on was work and dreams. Because relationships can wait, life can wait. Or that's how it feels. And it all made sense again. I'm doing this because I want to live the moments a little bit more, and stop thinking in terms of "future".
I spent this last month in Barcelona. I thought it would be too much time, but it was all I needed to enjoy and recconect. I had time enough to meditate about important things like the past, family, love.. And I found some connections that helped me to understand things. Maybe some day I will write about that.
Now I'm in Krabi, Thailand.
I'm sitting here with my laptop, very relaxed, looking to the street while I write this. Just saw a motorcycle go by with 4 people travelling on it. And I'm smiling.
Last night.. or was it this morning? I had like a mini tiny moment of fear, I know now that it was just the jet lag, but it was funny because it made me realize that, despite all of the crazynes, I still have some space for "common sense".
I have no idea of what is gonna happen the next months. I know not everything will be easy and fun. But I think I'm ready.
The important part: I feel alive. And I'm not just talking about right now. Ever since I decide to make changes, I felt the difference in me. I remember talking to my best friend a few days after I told him about this. I was saying that I was like on a emotional rollercoaster. One moment I was happy, then sad, then happy again and excited, and terrified, etc... And he said "well, yes, you feel alive". And I thought in that moment "my trip has just began".